How did this happen?

For awhile, I've had a lump on my scalp.  I finally went to the dermatologist back in May, after a failed course of antibiotics from the Urgent Care Center, and a failed attempt to drain it at my Primary Care office.

She looked at it, agreed that I had a cyst and set me up with an appointment in late June to cut it out.

A few weeks ago, dermatologist excised as much as she could get, decided it might be a lipoma and sent to pathology to determine whether it was a lipoma or a cyst.

I went yesterday to get the stitches out, and she came in to talk with me.

And bad news, it's neither.

What the preliminary pathology indicates is a rare cancerous growth called a pilomatrical carcinoma.  Or a pilomatrix carcinoma,  or a malignant pilomatricoma, or malignant pilomatrixoma... point being, I have cancer.

Well, I have a cancerous growth.  I have a colleague who is always talking about being a Katrina Survivor, which I think overstates the fact that he was in the general area of Katrina, got out of that area and is here to tell about it.

I don't want to overstate things and say I have cancer.  Except, it appears I do.

We're waiting for the final pathology report from San Francisco.  Apparently pilomatrical carcinoma is rare.  Really, really rare. Like, "Good-luck-Googling-that" rare.   My dermato has never seen it, nor have any of the other dermatos in her practice.

She started talking oncology, she started talking Mohs surgery, she started talking Vanderbilt, and referrals.  I started wondering, "Wait, is this why it's been so easy to lose 40 plus pounds?"

What I have been able to determine is that it can metastasize elsewhere in the body - lungs, lymph nodes and so on.  It's not common, but it happens.  The tumors themselves happen twice as often to men.  It's really, really uncommon.  They'll excise the affected area.  Mohs surgery seems to be effective.  It could recur.  Radiation and Chemo haven't been used widely to treat it.  Depending on what you read, the growth is either slow or aggressive.  Or both.  Or neither.  The scalp, head and neck are the most common areas of appearance, but there's a case online of someone having a growth on her clitoris (!!!!).

Since Matt lost his mother to cancer (lung), I hated to even tell him, but obviously, I did.

I told my boss, because I may have to take some time off, and become Massive Head Wound Harry (Google that, and you get plenty of results back).

I haven't told my parents, my sister, or any of my friends.  I don't feel like talking about it until I know what happens next.

But I did feel like writing about it, and so here I am.  I have to admit, I'm scared.  Not scared of dying, because I don't think I am dying.  I think I'm in better shape than ever.  But scared of pain, of inconvenience, of having a huge head wound, losing hair... and then, when I've exhausted that... a little bit scared of dying.

For now, though, we wait.  Eventually Dr. Parker will call with a referral to a doctor, and we'll see.

So, Pathologists in San Francisco, I hope you're on your A-Game.  Take a good look, give us your report, and let's rock on with our bad selves.

The path to wellness starts... here.